


Yours To Choose

by Erestorandfin



Series: One Day [2]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:34:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28155426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erestorandfin/pseuds/Erestorandfin
Summary: Voyager returns to the Alpha Quadrant to discover it's almost Christmas. But will it be a happy one?Sequel to 'Better To Have You In Tears'.Note on Rating:Chapter 1 is Teen and Up, and can be read as a stand alone.Chapter 2 is a smutty add on, and is rated Explicit.
Relationships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway
Series: One Day [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2062632
Comments: 19
Kudos: 66





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Katlady2000](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katlady2000/gifts).



> I always had in the back of my mind the vague idea for this story, however a really poetic comment from Katlady2000 sparked the idea to push this one in a bit of a Christmas direction. I hope it's the sequel you wished for!
> 
> There doesn’t seem to be an iron set date for the return to the AQ that I can find. I tend to utilise Caladenia’s excellent episode timeline, which puts their return to AQ at about 22nd of Dec. For the purposes of this story, I have placed the return a little earlier in December in order for this to make sense, because who doesn’t love a little Christmas in their stories?
> 
> This story was inspired by “the words” by Christina Perri. Edit: I realised I somehow did not post the song as I usually do, edited now! Its been a loooong week!

All of the lights land on you  
The rest of the world fades from view  
And all of the love I see,   
Please, please,  
Say you feel it too

And all of the noise I hear inside  
Restless and loud, unspoken and wild  
And all that you need to say  
To make it all go away  
Is that you feel the same way too

And I know the scariest part is letting go  
'Cause love is a ghost you can't control  
I promise you the truth can't hurt us now  
So let the words slip out of your mouth

And all of the steps that led me to you  
And all of the hell I had to walk through  
But I wouldn't trade a day  
For the chance to say,  
My love, I'm in love with you

And I know the scariest part is letting go  
'Cause love is a ghost you can't control  
I promise you the truth can't hurt us now  
So let the words slip out of your mouth

I know that we're both afraid  
We both made the same mistakes  
An open heart is an open wound to you  
And in the wind of a heavy choice  
Love has a quiet voice  
Still your mind,  
Now I'm yours to choose

And I know the scariest part is letting go  
Let my love be the light that guides you home

And I know the scariest part is letting go  
'Cause love is a ghost you can't control  
I promise you the truth can't hurt us now  
So let the words slip out of your mouth

~~~

The celebrations were already in full swing when he arrived. In honour of the festive season, the grand hall was filled with over-the-top decorations; trees sparkling with lights and tinsel, strands of holly wrapping around the columns situated throughout the hall, glittering icicles hanging from every surface. In keeping with this, dress uniforms had been banned in favour of winter wonderland-themed black tie. He ran a finger uncomfortably under his collar, feeling unpleasantly confined. It felt stiff and unfamiliar, having had no need to dress so formally in the last seven years. But maybe he was instilling some of his other feelings into this; everyone else seemed to have embraced the opportunity to blow off steam, competing to see who could wear the most extravagant outfit. The hall was filled with laughter and happy voices reunited with friends and family. 

It was wonderful to be back, to be surrounded by so many joyful people. The unexpected delight that Christmas this year had brought them the only gift that really mattered; the long awaited return of those they had believed to be lost forever. The pleasure was infectious, the true happiness that only being together with the people you love could bring. 

But in some ways, it was a lot to deal with. The unexpected return to the Alpha Quadrant had taken them all by surprise, and the suddenness of the festive season had been thrust upon them before they really knew what was happening. No one had really considered what time of year it was, having had more pressing concerns on Voyager. 

Starfleet had leapt on the opportunity to capitalise on the popularity of Voyager’s return, dedicating the annual winter ball in their honour. Which of course meant everyone was expected to attend, and there were many interested guests desiring their company. At least the invitation had been extended to the crew’s family, perhaps anticipating the reluctance to attend that they might otherwise have faced. Since the crew had been universally welcomed into the fold, including the former Maquis, it would have been poor form to refuse, no matter how desperate he was for some peace. 

But still, Chakotay was finding it very difficult to rise out of his glum mood. In all honesty, he knew jumping through these minor hoops wasn’t that bad; Starfleet really could have made their reintegration a lot more difficult if they had desired to do so. Having spent much of Voyager’s approach to Earth fielding concerned questions from the former Maquis, it had been a relief to realise their worries had come to nothing.

But the fact remained that there had not been a single moment to spend alone with the person he most wanted to talk to. Really, this was the root of his discontent, but through lack of another outlet, his frustration had presented itself as a low level of general irritation.

His relationship with Kathryn had always been complex, but as time had passed, their trysts had become more frequent, and more difficult to recover from. Each time, it felt like they were losing a little more of themselves, burning away another part of the love they secretly held. It had hurt, hurt them both to keep going on as they had, but there had been no choice. With time, she had softened, letting him express some of his feelings as she pretended to sleep; she couldn’t acknowledge them, it would make it real, force her to withdraw the little they had. 

He was ashamed to admit there had been many times when he had wondered if they would ever get back, if there was really any chance that they could do anything except hurt each other with the love they weren’t allowed to feel. Getting home had always seemed so far away, a dream to cling to in order to distract himself from the gradual breaking of his heart.

He had always hoped that if they ever made it home, it might be possible to finally have a proper relationship instead of the brief moments they had stolen together when her resolve weakened. Back home they would be free to be together, no longer restricted by duty. But now they were here, how much would really be different? She was, and always would be, Starfleet first, and there would still be those that would condemn their relationship, even if they no longer shared command. Would Kathryn be able to see past this, to willingly make herself vulnerable to criticism and disapproval? 

And even if she could, with the challenges and worries of the Delta Quadrant far behind them, would she still need him? Was it possible that what they had shared was to her only a release from pressure, what she had needed to keep going?

She knew that he loved her, but she had never been able to reciprocate, and he had accepted that was how it had to be. But caught in his bitterness, a small part of him couldn’t help but wonder if there was a chance that there was more to it, that she had simply taken advantage of the excuse to avoid saying the words she didn’t feel.

His heart told him this was nonsense. Kathryn might have been tightly restricted, but despite never saying the words, he couldn’t believe they were absent from her heart. It wasn’t fair to blame her for the situation, she had hated it as much as he had. And deep down, he knew that while she couldn’t actively confirm her feelings, she had done her best to show him in other ways, the only ways she was free to do so.

But waiting to see her was maddening, preventing him from focusing on anything else but the conversation he knew was coming. And so he found himself searching for her, uncharacteristically withdrawn, though he was able to project a passing appearance of joviality when forced into conversation.

Chakotay had yet to spot her, and he knew if she was here, he would have. Throughout their long relationship, he had always been aware of her presence, able to seek her out in a crowd, however busy it was. He could only conclude that she had yet to arrive. If he hadn’t been so tense, he would have smiled, imagining her indignance when she had found out that dress uniform was blacklisted. Aware it was her favourite fall-back, wearing it like armour, trusting it to keep her safe as though it was made of something more durable than mere fabric.

A way to keep Kathryn on the inside, behind the Captain, as much as to keep others out.

Every time he heard the large doors swing open, he instinctively turned but repeatedly was disappointed by the lack of her appearance. He had almost given up hope, when, finally, there she was, shaking her body slightly to shed the light snowflakes that had settled on the full length winter cloak she was wearing. 

She had always been beautiful to him, in uniform or otherwise. Barking orders on the bridge. Staring down whichever unfortunate ambassador had been on the receiving end of her sharp tongue. Exhausted and sweaty but ablaze with triumph after beating him at velocity. Face smudged with dirt after a double shift in the Jeffries tubes, valiantly trying to help B’Elanna complete the seemingly endless repairs. Wild and abandoned as they moved together, bodies locked as though they were never meant to be separate entities.

But today she looked as though she had walked straight out of a fairy-tale. He had to look away and back again to confirm it really was her. Though she had embraced whatever themed night had occurred on Voyager with good humour, she was far more one for practicality than whimsy, and he had expected some irritation at the forced formality. But there was no mistaking her fiery locks, cascading loosely, long again as it had been back at the start of their journey. Nor her face, cheeks flushed from the cold, eyes bright as she greeted with open arms the onslaught of former crew now surrounding her, each vying for her attention. He couldn’t help but be reminded of the first time he had seen her, how she had taken his breath away, exactly as she was doing now. 

He had forgotten just how much she loved this time of year, recalling all the stories she had shared with him of Christmases in the Janeway household. For the last few years, she had become increasingly withdrawn at Christmas, the notable absence of family tainting something that had always been special to her. While he had done his best to lift her mood, his ability to do so was limited; any actions he could take closely bordered the line she couldn’t let him cross. Now he remembered, he realised it made sense that she would have embraced the spirit of this celebration with open arms, knowing that without doubt she would be spending this Christmas at home.

His eyes followed her movements, noting that she did not do the same, remaining quite focused on those around her. His attention was interspersed between banal conversations as he was repeatedly approached with the same questions about their journey, followed by a frantic 30 seconds where he tried to locate her again. As time passed, he could feel his anxiety growing.

She had managed to shed her cloak, but was still surrounded by bodies, every step she took drawing in more attention. He wondered if he would even get to speak to her at all, her presence it seemed even more in demand than on Voyager. All appearances indicated this had no effect on her, graciously enjoying the opportunity to interact with the crew that had become her family, no longer bound by the need to maintain a respectable distance. With a sigh, he dragged his gaze away, and tried not to feel despondent that she clearly didn’t desire his company the way he did hers. 

***

A soft touch on his shoulder startled him, small fingers squeezing tightly in a way only too familiar. The time had finally come, she was here. And despite spending all evening anxiously waiting for this moment to arrive, now it was here, he found himself reluctant to meet it, afraid of what she might say. Secure in the knowledge that after all they had shared together, letting go of her would leave him broken. In a moment of madness, he wished them back in the Delta Quadrant, for at least there he knew he had some of her, had the hope that the future would bring more.

Up close, she was even more breath-taking. Her face was vibrant, the slight flush still present, although now it was probably more due to the warmth of the room. She was looking up at him, her sparkling blue eyes raised to his face from under her long lashes, and he was lost. It was a struggle to get any words out of his mouth, in the end having to settle only on the neutral ground of rank, throwing up his own barriers as he unconsciously sought to pre-emptively protect himself against what she might have to say.

“Captain.”

A quick quirk of her lips, as though she could read in his face exactly the trouble he was having. But when he spoke, she shook her head, smiling, and he noticed a softness he had never seen on her face before. 

“Kathryn.” She breathed firmly, eyes never leaving his. “Don’t you want to greet me properly, Chakotay?”

He had no idea what was happening but he took the hand she offered, raising it towards his face to kiss the back, the only formal greeting he could think of. But as he did so, she pulled his hand hard, forcing him closer to her as she intercepted the kiss with her own lips, soft against his, eyes now closed. 

They had kissed before in the heat of passion on those occasions she had shared herself with him, but never like this. Those kisses had been filled with lust and aggression; anything else would have been too close to what she couldn’t give him. Nor was it like the bittersweet moment they always shared the morning after, for while those kisses had been the closest to love she could allow, the overwhelming emotions had been regret for what she was doing to him, pain for having to let go once more. 

Never simply filled with love, warm and understated but more powerful than any words were. Chakotay felt everything else melt away as she stole all his fears, her kiss promising he would never suffer them again.

When they were eventually forced apart to breathe, she kept her tight hold on him. Eyes dilated as she panted softly, she leaned back in, pulling his face down so her lips rested just beside his ear.

“Chakotay,” her husky voice was slightly deeper than normal, breathlessness combined with desire, and just a hint of her signature impatience, “I’ve waited so long to be able to do that. It was so hard not to seek you out as soon as I arrived, but I knew once I started, I wouldn’t be able to stop, and as you know, there were certain expectations of us tonight.

“I have already spoken to everyone I need to, and seen everyone I wanted to see. I needed to make sure I had done everything expected of me before I came to you, so I could tell you honestly that from now on, your needs come first. I have done my duty, and now it is time to listen to my heart. I know I have hurt us both by holding back what we feel, and I hope you know it was never what I wanted. Every day I forced us to spend apart, every time I left you alone, my heart was breaking, wishing I had been strong enough to give you all of me and still do what I had to. Don’t think I don’t understand what you did for us in those seven years, how you fought to keep what we had safe, to give me what I needed at the cost of your own needs. I can never tell you what it means that you never gave up on me, but I promise I will never make you regret it.

“Now, Chakotay, I want to dance with you, just once, the way I always wished we could. And then I want us to leave together, because I have spent seven years sharing you with the world, and finally I want to have you just for myself. I can't bear to spend another minute separate from you.”

Her face was so alive with passion, freed at last from the bonds that had held her back for so long. She hadn’t asked how he felt about her, because she knew, had always known even before he had understood it fully. Had heard every whispered confession he had made, tried to lessen his pain by giving him that, even though it had undoubtedly hurt to not be able to respond, to listen to the proof in his voice of how much grief she caused him. Because she loved him too, as much as he loved her, and it was the only thing she could give him in return for his heart. 

Dazed, he led her to the dancefloor and held her close, her head tucked under his chin, almost unable to believe they were finally here. The silence was warm, settling around them both as they savoured being able to be in each other’s arms, with the knowledge that this time they weren’t simply stealing a moment. That this time, they wouldn’t be forced to let go.

Oblivious to anyone or anything around them, when the song finally ended, they wordlessly left, only seeing each other as they collected their outerwear, and disappeared into the night.

***

B’Elanna felt a tap on her shoulder. Turning, a raised eyebrow and a pointed look directed her to the entrance where Kathryn was one-handedly hauling the door open, Chakotay’s hand clutched tightly in the other as she pulled him after her. 

Silently, the trio followed, not stopping for coats lest they lose them in the ongoing storm, shivering as the cold blast hit them. Huddled together under the protective arch outside the door, they peered through the swirl of white. The dark outlines of the pair stood out against the cascade of snow, and they watched them make it to the corner of the street before the pull of each other overrode the need to escape the cold. It was just about possible to make out the two bodies moving closer to one another, lips meeting, before they vanished in a flurry of snowflakes as the storm increased its ferocity.

“Thank God,” muttered B’Elanna.

“Indeed.”

They both looked at the uncharacteristically quiet Tom, who merely wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at B’Elanna.

Tuvok sighed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry all for the delay in chapter 2, work is always especially busy this time of year!

She led him inside the Starfleet issue apartment, and they quickly shed their snow covered outerwear, grateful for the wave of heat that hit their chilled faces. Chakotay noticed the space was much the same as his own, with one noticeable exception; the many, many Christmas decorations Kathryn had painstakingly put up, clearly trying to make the sparse quarters feel more homely. There was even a real tree – beautifully dressed and clearly much too big for the room, but even this could distract him from Kathryn for only a few moments before his eyes were irresistibly drawn back to her.

He felt her palms come to rest gently on his chest as she stopped moving, but there was no demand as there had always been before, just the desire to feel her hands on him. But as her eyes met his, he could feel her longing to be closer, her impatience growing now, though she was clearly holding back her impulses. Pulling her with him, he moved to the sofa, sinking down before her into it; clearly she wanted to follow, but knew her dress wouldn’t let her.

Not breaking eye contact, Kathryn slowly released the laces at the back of her dress until it was loose enough for her to slide it down her body, her pulse racing as she saw Chakotay’s eyes darken in response. She shivered, not because of the cool air now caressing her skin, but because of the hunger she could see in his face, the depth of his desire that he had held back for so long. Leaving the dress in a pool on the floor, she straddled his lap, raised just enough that she had to look down slightly to keep their eye contact. Leaning in, she found his lips with hers, passionate but gentle. Lovingly. Hands tangling in his hair, holding him against her.

As they began to struggle for air, she leant her forehead forward against his, chin pulling back slightly so their bottom lips separated just enough for them to breathe without completely breaking their kiss. Chakotay could feel her soft panting in time with his own, as though they breathed as one, sharing the need for more oxygen but neither willing to part further.

“Is this for me?” He murmured against her lips, fingers running gently through the fiery cascade surrounding her face, noticeably longer than the last time he had seen her. Unable to hide his delight at the feel of it, and finally being able to do this. He had always been fascinated by her hair, but the first time he had tried to stroke it during one of their encounters, she had shut him down; the gentle touch was outside acceptable parameters.

But as he had later found out, to his relief, not all touching was forbidden. Though he had restrained his desire to caress her tresses after her rebuttal, one night his control had slipped, and wrapping his fist tightly in her hair, he had pulled her in for an aggressive kiss. Expecting reproach, he was surprised but gratified to be rewarded with a breathy moan. Having learned that her scalp was clearly an erogenous zone, he had taken every opportunity to exploit this discovery, careful to ensure his touches remained firm, a little harder than his natural instinct, treading carefully on the line between what she would accept, and what she could not.

“Mm-hmm,” she confirmed, shivering at the pleasurable tingling that ran along her scalp and down her spine from his ministrations. “Do you…approve?” Her wicked grin clearly indicating she already knew the answer.

He groaned, fingers wrapping into individual locks and pulling lightly, not missing the expected catch in her breath as he did so. “I used to fantasize about this on the bridge. Back when you used to wear it up. You’d appear, so chirpy and bright in the morning, not a strand out of place, and all I wanted to do was bury my fingers into your tidy bun and remove every pin until it fell loose and messy.”

“I wondered,” she breathed, eyes dilating, arching her neck to encourage him to continue. “Sometimes, I could see you watching me, but with a faraway look, like you weren’t really there. I didn’t know what it was that entranced you so until I cut it off, and saw the flicker of disappointment the first time you realised it was gone. But it was just so much work, so impractical on Voyager. But not now.”

“Spirits, Kathryn, do you have any idea what you do to me?”

“I have a...vague understanding,” she purred mischievously, leaning back to firmly grind her lower body against his lap, where she could clearly feel his hardness through his clothes, “but perhaps you could tell me in your own words, just to make sure I’m not…misinterpreting.”

“The second I saw you tonight, you took my breath away. It was like you had walked straight out of my fantasies. Nothing and no one else existed for me from then onwards. But it wasn’t just how you looked. It was like seeing you for the first time all over again, the moment our eyes met, and I knew I would follow you to the ends of the universe, knew I would do anything within my power to remain at your side, in whatever capacity you desired.

“It wasn’t just me either; I could see you drawing everyone in, like you were the sun, and no one could resist your pull, orbiting around you desperate for your heat and attention. I just couldn’t stop watching you, wishing it was me you were greeting with such warmth. Hoping for any sign that you felt the same as I do.”

He was surprised when she moved forward, and instead of kissing him again, her arms slid down to pull him against her, head tucking over his shoulder, facing inwards so her nose was buried in his hair. He could feel a low tremble running through her body as she held him close, slowly breathing in his scent. His own hands slid down her spine, fingers lightly caressing her soft skin, feeling her back arch ever so slightly into his touch without breaking the contact between their two bodies. 

“I do. I love you, Chakotay.” Her lips were pressed against his ear, and the low whisper took him by surprise, sounding so much louder because of its closeness. 

Hands moving to her sides, he slid her back on his lap so he could see her, a soft sigh escaping her mouth as she was forced to let go of him. Her head tilted, questioning. Face slightly wary as for a moment she vividly remembered being held away from him as he tried to resist her attempts to get closer.

“Say it again.”

Her expression softened, smile lighting up her face as she understood. Eyes firmly fixed on his so there could be no mistaking her words. 

“I love you. I have done for as long as I can remember.” She laughed lightly, freely, as affection bubbled in her chest at finally being able to tell him.

His own smile joined hers as she spoke, dimples in full force. He wasn’t aware of moving his hands until she leaned into the palm he pressed against her cheek, the other stroking lightly over her shoulder.

“I love you too, Kathryn.”

The sexual charge was temporarily forgotten, but neither minded, both lost in the tender moment. Time was meaningless as they sat there, simply looking at each other, revelling in the ability to openly display their feelings. No longer worrying about what they could or couldn’t say.

Surprisingly, Kathryn folded first, pressing her lips to his firmly, and the calm was broken as they both suddenly became aware of their proximity, of the heat of each other’s body. Running her tongue along his bottom lip, it met his as he parted for her, once more pressed as close as they could.

It wasn’t long before Kathryn was tugging at his clothes impatiently, frustrated by the inability to feel his bare skin pressed against hers. “Off!” she barked, for a second falling back into command mode, and Chakotay had to suppress the smile that wanted to come to his face, honestly surprised she had manage to last so long before trying to take control. Instead he forced himself to remain serious, shaking his head in response to her order; as much as he wanted to get closer to her, he had no intention of being rushed, not this time.

“Kathryn, I’ve waited a long time to be able to love you properly, and I plan to do so as thoroughly as possible. I seem to remember telling you how much I wanted to taste every inch of your body...”

Before she could reply, his mouth found her neck, softly sucking just behind her ear and all thoughts of trying to take charge were lost in a rush of heat. He grinned against her as he heard her quiet huff of impatience transform into a gasp of pleasure. 

Kathryn couldn’t decide if she was losing her mind or if she was in heaven. Chakotay’s unhurried exploration was setting every nerve alight, every new touch, every soft kiss adding kindling to the flames, leaving no stone unturned in his quest to map her body. It was perfection, it was bliss, but her desperation for more of him was quickly growing unbearable. The feel of his lips as they trailed across her collarbone had her pressing up against him, desperate for him to move lower, to focus on her aching breasts, but he proceeded to kiss down her arms as though he was unaware of her desire. Though she tried to do everything she could think of to tempt him to go faster, her pleas fell on deaf ears, and she knew his resolve would not break. He would not stop until his task was complete, until she was utterly undone. 

Having tasted his way across as much of her as he could reach in this position, with the exception of her breasts which remained frustratingly untouched, Kathryn suddenly found herself lifted, his hands encouraging her to wrap her legs around his waist as he relocated them to the bedroom. His lips met hers with a vehemence that let her know that despite his calm and focused attention, she was not the only one starting to lose control. 

Armed with this new information, she nipped his lip firmly, not hard enough to draw blood, but enough to momentarily overcome his composure, and she could feel his fingers gripping her harder. Contracting her thighs, she pressed her centre firmly against the heat she could feel through his clothing, her own quick inhalation joining his as she distracted him enough for him to stumble, automatically relaxing her legs as she felt the brief weightlessness in her stomach that proceeded a fall. However he rapidly regained his footing, and in quick succession she found herself landing on her stomach on the bed and then firmly trapped underneath him as he straddled her hips.

“Kathryn, if you don’t start behaving, you are going to find out exactly how slow I can make this…”

Far from encouraging her to let go and accept his relaxed pace, the edge in his voice drove her onwards, though she was not sure if she wanted to change his mind, or force him to make good on his threat.

Mere seconds after his warning, Chakotay remembered the insanity of challenging Kathryn Janeway at anything. He could almost see the cogs turning in her head as she calculated the best move in which to both defy him, and get her own way. Despite the fact that his only goal was to bring her pleasure for as long as he could, that independent streak of hers made it impossible for her to simply accept his directions without challenge. Not that he would want it any other way; her fierce competitiveness was an integral part of the enigma that was Kathryn.

But that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to call her out. 

“You know, sometimes I realise how lucky it was that we all ended up on Voyager, and not my ship. Your inability to follow simple commands would have made you a truly terrible first officer, Kathryn.”

“I can follow orders just fine,” she smirked audaciously as she glanced back over her shoulder at him, “ _when_ I choose to do so.”

Well, it seemed the only option was to do exactly what he had promised, to drive all thoughts from her mind completely as he found every single sweet spot on her body. If she thought it had been an idle threat, she would soon learn she had been mistaken. She couldn’t say he hadn’t warned her.

Leaning forward, the crisp edges of his clothing lightly scraping along her back as he moved her hair aside, baring her neck to him. He inhaled deeply at her nape, feeling the gentle stimulation of his warm exhalation setting her hairs on end, before he pressed his body fully along her back until he was close enough for her to hear his honeyed whisper next to her ear.

“I’ll just have to try harder to give you an incentive then, wont I?”

Before she knew what was happening, he had both her hands pinned above her head with one of his, and his lips were back at her neck, moving even more slowly than before, only now she was completely unable to move, to seek further contact. His free hand was caressing her side, feeling the soft swell at the side of her breast, but lingering there only a moment before continuing its downward sweep.

Kathryn couldn’t hold back her moan as she felt the heat of his mouth moving maddeningly slowly down her spine, stopping to savour every indent, hands now following the trail his mouth left, having realised his weight combined with his actions had her sufficiently incapacitated, or at least unwilling, to resist anymore.

Reaching the curves of her cheeks, he trailed a finger idly downwards, sweeping feather light along her inner thigh, her legs splaying outwards without any conscious thought on her behalf, begging for him to touch her. Despite the fact he was no longer resting his weight on her body, instead kneeling between her spread legs, she made no attempt to regain control, only a reflexive arching upwards of her hips as she felt his breath grazing over her sensitive skin.

Relieved that she finally seemed to be just letting herself enjoy the slow build-up, he considered what a suitable encouragement would be. Sliding both warm hands up her legs slowly until they met the soft lace of her panties, he left his fingers slip under them, caressing her hips before curling his fingers around the fabric. Automatically her hips raised slightly, aiding him as he slid them off.

Almost immediately he knew it had been a mistake. Her legs were opened enough that he could see her glistening, the scent of her arousal almost overwhelming, and he couldn’t resist leaning in and dragging his tongue along her wet folds. A rapturous sound met his ears, and though he had intended to continue to explore her body, now he had tasted her he couldn’t pull away. Instead his hands found her hips, dragging her back towards him, and then spreading her wider so he had better access. Sitting back for a moment, he tore off his suit jacket, glad to be free of its restrictive presence, and tried to find the will to calm down, to continue with his slow teasing. But it was no use; the dam hadn’t so much sprung a leak as burst, his racing heart relentlessly pumping adrenaline and desire through his body.

Burying his head between her spread thighs, he melted completely at the soft sigh of relief that slipped from her lips. His tongue firmly delving into her core, she made no attempts to hold back the uncontrolled jerk of her hips as he finally gave in, his mind now fixed only on bringing her to an earth-shattering peak.

The only sound either of them could hear were her breathy moans, her pants for air between her pleas for more. In a split second, she found herself flipped onto her back, and then he was sucking on her clit, one blistering palm pressing down on her abdomen as she wailed in ecstasy. Chakotay could feel the tremors spreading through her lithe form, letting him know she was poised to fall at the slightest provocation, and couldn’t help but nip carefully at her clit, hardening almost painfully at her gasp of shocked pleasure. The tremors quickly became shudders as she found her release, his reward the cry of his name in a tone that echoed the intensity of her delight.

Before she could come down, he plunged one finger, then two deep into her centre, re-igniting her desire, and it wasn’t long before she was begging him to let her feel him as he ruthlessly rubbed and licked. Only when the pitch of her voice boarded on sweet agony did he pull back, swiftly undoing his zip and pushing his underwear aside, freeing his straining erection. He didn’t miss the flick of her eyes downward as he was uncovered, nor the way she instinctively caught her lower lip between her teeth as she imagined him filling her once more. Still almost completely clothed Chakotay nestled between her legs, pressing the tip against her entrance, but not pushing inside. He could see all of her beautiful body before him, and he almost lost it there and then as he took in the sight of her. Every tiny freckle was perfect, cheeks flushed, eyes dilated in desire, hair strewn around her. She was utterly breath-taking.

“Please, Chakotay, please don’t make me wait any longer. I can’t take it...”

Growling, he finally let himself sink into her heat, both of them moaning at the feeling, stilling once he was fully surrounded by her body, hands caressing her sides, her abdomen, before moving to her breasts.

Moving in and out faster as their excitement built, it wasn’t long before she was on edge again, arching up against him, her own hands shamelessly teasing her breasts in time with his thrusts. Knowing he wouldn’t last much longer, and concerned that he would leave her behind, his hands hitched up her hips, holding her lower body slightly off the bed to allow him to get deeper. The change in angle was all it took to push her over the edge, and suddenly she was thrashing in abandon underneath him, the tight grip of her body as she came dragging his own release from him as he groaned her name.

Collapsing forward, he let his arms break his fall before he crushed her underneath him, then rolled them onto their sides facing each other, still joined.

Her beautiful smile of contentment and joy washed over him, and pulling her close, they were both enveloped in the comforting peace they found only when together. Naturally his face found her hair, nuzzling into its familiar scent as her head found his chest, and the reassuring beating of his heart.

As they lay together, desiring nothing more than to hear each other’s breathing, feel their bodies pressed together, Kathryn felt his arms tense around her, just for a moment clutching her even closer, as though he was worried she would disappear if he didn’t. The shadow of all the times he had had to let her go running unbidden through his mind. Recalling the mantra he had repeated each time he had pushed aside the breaking of his heart, each recurrence becoming quieter, less certain of the truth behind his words. As though deep down he had accepted that what they had had was all they would ever be allowed to have.

“One day...” he murmured absentmindedly into her hair, remembering every single occasion he had promised himself that in the end, everything they had gone through would be worth it.

Kathryn’s head shook against him, her hands tightening their hold, understanding exactly what he was thinking. Her own heart clenched as she too was reminded of all the pain they had endured. But she refused to let herself go back there; if there was one thing Chakotay had taught her, it was to live in the present, to not let those things that matter slip away while lost in regrets of the past or worries of the future. They had spent seven years together, the majority of which they had had to restrain their own desires for the benefit of Voyager. She didn’t blame Chakotay for harbouring some doubts, after all, she had always put the ship, and Starfleet, before them. But now it was her chance to make a choice, although really she knew she had made it long ago. He had given her everything of him that she could accept for as long as she could remember, and she was done holding herself back. This was what she wanted, what she needed, needed more than she had ever needed anything. Right here, together with him, she was perfectly content, as though there was nothing in the world that could ever take away this feeling. 

She lifted her head from his chest, face peering at his as their eyes locked, and he could see she was completely at peace, the sincerity and love in her eyes undoubtable. And he understood that while, like every couple, they would face challenges, she would never stop fighting for this, for him, no matter what the future brought them. From now on he would have all of her.

“Today, Chakotay,” she promised firmly, pulling him away from the ghosts of their past and back to her warm embrace. “And every day to come.”

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: Star Trek: Voyager and all its characters belong to Paramount Pictures/CBS; no infringement of copyright is intended.


End file.
